in pieces 

Take me apart

And unknow me

Break me into pieces

Unintelligible

And relearn me.

Smile with me

An infant unbound

Play with me

A child inane

Cry with me

A teen untamed

And get lost with me

An adult without aim.

Build me upside-down

And backwards

Every piece

never in a wrong place.

And love me

As you know me.

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Dreamless: a planet of dreams tale.

For Kyle

There once was a  boy who couldn’t dream, who couldn’t speak in whole sentences, and couldn’t understand much of the world. All that his life left was an over active need to play video games and cry when things didn’t go quite his way. One night as the boy slept in emptied mind he felt an odd scratching at the walls of his sub conscious, and something quite dreamlike happened.

The boy woke up. Now you might find it odd that the boy waking up could ever be closely considered to being dreamlike, but it was. You see the eight year old child woke up in a field of finely rowed stone slabs with people sleeping on top of them. and a throne of the same type of stone occupied with another dreamer. This wasn’t his small twin bed nestled between a wall and his parents bed. Soon he also began to realize that his hands were not his young child’s hands but that of a twenty year old man.

He sat there on his personal bed of stone for a little while, looking at his hands pondering at their size and small bouts of blonde hair on their fingers.

“Cool.” he stated wanting to say more but not finding the proper words. Then he sat frozen in shock to the slightly aged sound of his own voice. Not mine, he thought. Tears began to stream from his eyes, and his loud wail was heard from all directions across the fields of REM. All the way to an odd hunkered and rusting old gizmo’s ears.

“SYSTEMS INITIATED.” echoed a digital voice from within the odd trash can shaped robot.

“TITAN PROGRAM ONLINE.” the echo said once more, as the bot’s bright blue eyes flickered on.

“Wha?” it said, as though being awoken from a deep sleep. While gears and vent fans began to rumble within its chrome exterior. Two sets of four Gizmada brand all terrain mini wheels extended out from the base of its body. It began to move around a little aimlessly,  as it’s memory began to warm up. Two thin, gangling arms laced with woven wires extended from it’s sides and it’s right wiry palm went to the domed top of it’s body.

“My head,” it exacerbated. “How long was I out this time?”

“THIRTY TELLONIAN BATTERY CYCLES.” Answered the echo from within it’s body. “OR THREE HUNDRED EARTH YEARS”

“Nai, why do you keep bringing up earth? I don’t even know what an earth is.”

“EARTH IS A LIFE INHABITED PLANET FOUR HUNDRED TRILLION TWO THOUSAND AND TWELVE LIGHT YEARS AWAY FROM OUR CURRENT LOCATION.” Responded Nai

“And what is our current location?” The metal creature asked

“ERROR!” Nai buzzed, “INFORMATION NOT FOUND.”

“What do you mean information not fou-” And then the bot heard it, the thing that woke him from a three hundred year hibernation. For the first time the bot known as T.E.A. amongst the mechanized planet of Tellon. Heard the wail of a creature odd to his ears.

While on the opposite side of the fields of dreamers. Two shadows dance against the horizon like black fire in a wet solid form. Feeding on the essence of a poor child’s dream as his angelic body twitches in fear. They are known as the Lengx, demon beasts from a nearby planet of the same name. Soon in the distance they hear the boy’s weeping wail, and dart like balls of black flame across the fields.

The boy couldn’t stop he wanted to but he was confused. All he could think was why am I here, I want my mommy, this bed is to hard, I”ll never get to sleep, where is my smash bros, why are there so many people? It continued on and on until he heard the sound of what could only be described in his world  as an RC car racing toward him from behind. He turned around in excitement that he would have something to play with, when suddenly the large metal bot logically referred to by Nai as Tea, pounced on the whimpering man-child, clasping it’s hands around the boy’s mouth.

“Shut up you mad fool!” Tea shouted, but the Boy only heard mad scrambling pops and whistles. This only scared him more and he began to scream through the wired palms.

“I said be still your walloping voice!” the bot said, but only more whistles were heard.

“TEA” Nai tried to interrupt

“Quiet, you odd pale beast!” but the boy only carried on in his screaming, a blue light flashed over him from the bot and he began to calm his shriek.

“TEA,” Nai said once more.

“What, you blasted echoing mistress?” Tea angrily acknowledged.

“I”LL IGNORE THAT FOR THE TIME BEING, BUT NEED I REMIND YOU I CAN SHUT YOU OFF?” Tea’s gears calmed and he let go of the boy’s face, the boy of course had calmed in kind to the other loud beeping he had just heard. “GOOD, I HAVE SCANNED HIM, HE IS WHAT THEY CALL HUMAN.”

“Human?’ beeped Tea

Past 1

The day passes in its splendor,

And here I am awake past 1.

Hoping the sleep will catch me soon

Singing sweet nothings,

To a brain well past taxed.

Singing sweet nothings,

To a heart well past broken.

Easing my crooked body,

Till my eyes heavy.

And the songs play in repeat.

Suicide Notes

I’ve been writing suicide notes in my head.

Every word to a darker thought.

As I loose the hope

That strives to linger in my heart.

I’ve been shouting madness at the top of my lungs.

Every whisper of self ridicule
Louder in its trembling,

As the screams repeat their dirge.

I’ve been crying uncontrollable.

Trying to ease the pain

Regain my hope.

Yet I am loosing this battle!

I’ve been writing suicide notes in my head.

My heart and mind in shambles

Begging for the pain to end

And getting no reprieve.

This poem is what has been going through my mind more often than I want to admit. It is a practice in easing my pain by letting out the frustration of my depression and thoughts of suicide into words.

I need help, as do others, and if the weight of depression ever leads to thoughts of suicide, Or the depression is to heavy to bare, reach out to someone as I am doing now. If you relate to this poem or other poems I have written on the subject of depression, reach out to someone. Friends family whomever you trust to be understanding in the matters of depression. If you are suicidal reach to any loved one because they really do love you. But if it is to great call this number
1 (800) 273 – 8255 this is the suicide prevention hotline where help is always available. You can always talk to the through online chat as well here:

 http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

If you are not dealing with depression and have someone who is talking with them is always best, but more information can be found here:

https://www.helpguide.org/home-pages/depression.htm

A year gone by…

What do I say after nearly a year absent….

I’m sorry never seems to cut it, it’s time to remedy that starting this month I will delve into some of the drafts gathering dust on this site, and publish what I find. As well as diving into a poetic groove that I haven’t come to in awhile. Those of you who do read this and have come across my site know that there are changes to be had here and elsewhere to the facebook and twitter followers I’ve only just begun.

Kind Heart Lament

I shout and weep
In the distilled traffic lights
Of the night,
And I only ask
Why again for love?
I share it in actions unconditional,
Hopes and dreams untainted,
And yet I shout and weep,
Again for love.
When I dare not want to call it love.
When in my heart
I know it’s name,
And it is for her.
So I shout and weep
Songs that ring dirges
In the quakes of the night,
For her.
She’ll never hear them
but they sing just the same.
Stuttering into ballads of lost infinity
She’ll never ponder their melody
So I shout and weep
Into the silences of my mind
Singing lost loves
In sweet epiphany
Something she might never hear.
But I will know it by its name.

Here I Am

Here I am
A word torn apart
At the Syllable
When I am just a single syllable word.
Here I am
An empty hole
That continues to open its void,
When I am already a void desolate and strange.
Here I am
A fool
That loves without condition
When there is nothing unconditional to reciprocate.
Here I am
A man
Still a boy
In love.